Fun paranoia fact #1: Every white van has a camera inside.
Fun paranoia fact #2: The moon landing was faked on a set of Swiss cheese.
Fun paranoia fact #3: Your yogurt bacteria's with the CIA.
Fun paranoia fact #4: I'm all out of fun paranoia facts.
It’s a rainy, stormy, cloudy dreary ETC
kinda day, and I’m feeling a bit lonely
so I head over to my nearest phone and dial zero
“Hello operator, so we meet again. Can you get me the voices in my head.
I’m sorry, they aren’t available right now.”
“I have a confession to make,” she says.
“I’m really the ghost of communication’s past.”
“Why do you haunt this earth a lowly spectre?
How did you meet your demise?”
Heard it through the wiretapped grapevine
Old paranoia’s on the loose again
“Well, they’ve invented this thing called a search engine,
this thing called a dialpad, so I’m kind of out of a job.”
“Tough break.” “You can say that again.” “Tough break”.
“Alas, I have gone the way of the telegraph.”
“Everything is in morose code, but none takes the time
to decode or to care.” “There are so many people I want to talk to,
I want you to connect me with them, I want you to help me connect with them,
you can do that, that’s your job right? RIGHT?
Heard it through the wiretapped grapevine
Old paranoia’s on the loose again
“Look, I don’t want things to get freaky or steamy.
I know this isn’t the red-light district,
you're a dignified and moral woman
and what would ol’ Alex Bell think?
“You’re not a payphone, I know you’re non-profit
yadablahblahblah, but such you’ve been such a good sport,
I’ll tip ya 75 cents, ‘cause that’s my ten cents worth.
Consider it a stipend. Consider it a pension.”
“Oh thank you sir, thank you thank you sir! Ever so much thank you thank you sir.
I now have enough money to pay the discount Charon
to paddle me off to the afterlife. For your philanthropic troubles, I shall now reveal to you all the secrets of the universe.”
Heard it through the wiretapped grapevine
Old paranoia’s on the loose again
And this omniscient voice, this beautiful omniscient voice, this tell-all, hear-all, say-all
confirms all my innermost fears. That 9/11, Hurricane Sandy, the Great Boston Molasses Tragedy, The Triangle Shirtwaist Fires WERE ALL INSIDE JOBS
Johnny Appleseed only planted crab apples, Paul Bunyan was the eighth dwarf
John Henry pioneered the jackhammer.
Soothing elevator music to these sore ears.
Heard it through the wiretapped grapevine
Old paranoia’s on the loose again
Knuckleberry Finn (formerly and unfortunately known as The Catdoors) are an alternative power trio from the Washington DC Metropolitan Area. The band consists of Ben Shaw, Abram Shaw, and Devin Taylor.
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